Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
