my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
