Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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