before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
We left the knife in your bed.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
