his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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