flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
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