Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize