Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
