so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
