Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
