Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
