Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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