Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
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