Porn is love you can see.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Randomize
