Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Randomize
