Screwed.edu
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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