I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
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