Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Boobs are out for the taking
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
