How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
