Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
