i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
