So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
