you thought your balls were fighting each other...
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Randomize
