you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
