You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
