Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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