It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
