Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Randomize
