My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
