When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
