Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
