I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
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