he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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