dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
