bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
