4 words: hood of his car
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
