STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
