She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
