i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
