Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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