everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
