so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
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