I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
