I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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