You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
