there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Randomize
