Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
