i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Randomize
