If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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