He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
